As the majority of my non-golf-related entries seem to be wedding-related, I have been cursed and been booked to attend weddings for the rest of the summer. This weekend's event took place in Red Bank, NJ.
The ceremony was performed by the brother of the groom, who somehow maintained a respectable amount of decorum during the proceedings. Either the brother/groom must be the most uninteresting brothers of all time, or he was paid handsomely not to divulge past antics or embarassing moments.
The brinde/groom, who I didn't know, felt obligated to invite their entire college class, from a small college in PA, who felt obligated to attend, as they were able to get a group rate from the Harrisburg Geryhound station. The majority of the attendees being college connections, five years removed from school, was an omen.
It was embarassing that 1/2 of the guests, obviously college friends, couldn't dress appropriately. Granted, being PA schooled they did surpass the jhorts/flannels of my Pittsburgh bred cousins' wardrobe, but it is embarassing not to have a suit and be relegated to khaki cargo shorts and scuffed slip-on Vans. If the site of the wedding/reception had bouncers, they wouldn't have gotten through the door, as they were not deserving of the lavish spread, or even spending time in such a nice establishment.
The best/worst example of the miserable lot were at our table for the reception. Guy #1 was obviously a hanger-on of the cooler clique at small-PA-college, as he said nothing original, but was overly impressed with his new diamond outline patterned shirt and cross directional patterned tie he picked out for the occasion. Maybe I shouldn't be so critical, as he must be smarter than me to have the ability to build a time machine to Structure 1994.
Guy #2, affectionately known an Fat Boy, had a grand view of himself, after his year abroad deejaying in Japan, which made him "rich beyond belief" to the point he had the cash for the downpayment on a Cadillac lease. He looks forward to being the most popular guy in Talahassee, and generally Tom Cruise'd (overt gestures of emotion leading to awkwardness) the entire night by tearing up during the toast of the best man, and forcing eye-contact with his boy, the groom, and nodding between 150-200 times during the night.
Shockingly, #1/#2 were at the event without dates, staying at the Holiday Inn Select down the street, and looking to prey on the ugliest girls at the event without dates, or those with dates, when their dates excused themselves to the restroom. Unfortunately, their efforts were likely unrequited, as the dent they put on the Captain Morgan's stymied their libido.
Ultimately, I would feel for the family of the bride who had to foot the bill for the 76 Stooges, but since the mother of the bride makes her living as a psychic, she had appropriate forewarning and could have halted the goon parade.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Oxymorons for 2005
When I was in 9th grade (I was slow) and was taught the definition of oxymoron, I thought it was the coolest thing. Unfortunately, 'baked Alaska' and the majority of oxymorons are outdated and rarely used. I would like to update the list of accepted oxymorons to be more contemporary. My submissions:
- best tattoo contest
- great wedding website
- status meeting
- long-awaited Britney Spears album
- best tattoo contest
- great wedding website
- status meeting
- long-awaited Britney Spears album
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Best
As debatable a topic as music is, I was just wondering what acts/bands people think are great. My current favorites:
Rock (current): Drive By Truckers. Original southern sound whose songs succeed being both hard and melodious, depending on the song.
2nd: Jesse Malin. Personal, self-depricating lyrics
Rock (old): Rolling Stones. 'Some Girls' is outstanding.
Rap: The Roots. Lyrics with a message augment solid beats.
Rock (current): Drive By Truckers. Original southern sound whose songs succeed being both hard and melodious, depending on the song.
2nd: Jesse Malin. Personal, self-depricating lyrics
Rock (old): Rolling Stones. 'Some Girls' is outstanding.
Rap: The Roots. Lyrics with a message augment solid beats.
Quick Hiatus
After a quick break to golf the past two days (yesterday was legitimate 18, today was a Scramble) I have happily returned to jot a few nonlinear thoughts.
For the enjoyment of F&J, yesterday I played 18 at Augustine in Stafford with Leland, JAF (to be here forward spelled phonetically), and a good friend from UVA, Whitey (YT). On the 11th hole, a left-bending 500 yd. par 5, I am left with a second shot from 135 that must Tony Zendejas two trees on without much height, resulting in a slightly strong eight-iron that skips over the green, barely into the woods, but was difficult to locate.
Luckily, YT found the ball and being only partially visible, laid his visor around the ball. I grabbed a club to punch, approached the ball to construct a stance, and saw the ball was in the coil of a rather large snake. Not taking well to reptiles, I did my best Ben Johnson impression to vacate, YT retreived his hat with a 4-iron, and Leland retreived the ball with a wedge, upsetting the coiled snake and causing it depart.
After describing the incident to an univolved party, it was determined the snake was a copperhead and the coiled position is indicative of the snake's interest to strike.
Lessons learned:
- Leland is not smart.
- Visors are stupid.
- The worst case scenario would have made for decades of one liners regarding Leland's wife's bastard child.
------------------------------------
It is nice to record a few words after 36 hours where I didn't think, makes the transition to work tomorrow easier.
Unfortunately I had unfinished work that needed completion yesterday evening. After emailing @ 8:00pm, it was sad I actually had prompt responses. The responses were solely to stuff the inbox of higher-ups with the "look how dedicated I am to my job, even if my emails are meaningless" email, which are not the pinnacle, but contribute to any work ire I possess.
For the enjoyment of F&J, yesterday I played 18 at Augustine in Stafford with Leland, JAF (to be here forward spelled phonetically), and a good friend from UVA, Whitey (YT). On the 11th hole, a left-bending 500 yd. par 5, I am left with a second shot from 135 that must Tony Zendejas two trees on without much height, resulting in a slightly strong eight-iron that skips over the green, barely into the woods, but was difficult to locate.
Luckily, YT found the ball and being only partially visible, laid his visor around the ball. I grabbed a club to punch, approached the ball to construct a stance, and saw the ball was in the coil of a rather large snake. Not taking well to reptiles, I did my best Ben Johnson impression to vacate, YT retreived his hat with a 4-iron, and Leland retreived the ball with a wedge, upsetting the coiled snake and causing it depart.
After describing the incident to an univolved party, it was determined the snake was a copperhead and the coiled position is indicative of the snake's interest to strike.
Lessons learned:
- Leland is not smart.
- Visors are stupid.
- The worst case scenario would have made for decades of one liners regarding Leland's wife's bastard child.
------------------------------------
It is nice to record a few words after 36 hours where I didn't think, makes the transition to work tomorrow easier.
Unfortunately I had unfinished work that needed completion yesterday evening. After emailing @ 8:00pm, it was sad I actually had prompt responses. The responses were solely to stuff the inbox of higher-ups with the "look how dedicated I am to my job, even if my emails are meaningless" email, which are not the pinnacle, but contribute to any work ire I possess.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Spin 100
Spin released their list of the 'Best 100 albums of the Past 25 Years' and I am, surprisingly, in agreement with much of the list. The compilation is a good mesh of rap/rock, the only shortcoming is a lack of inclusion of the country (note I didn't say alt country) genre.
#1 is OK Computer (Radiohead), that I haven't ever heard, as I am not struck by either RadioHead/Wilco/Coldplay, who have taken niche genres of music and delivered to the mainstream. Sadly, they are probably really good bands, but mass approval labels a band as 'mainstream', regardless the innovation a band brings to music. I prefer the more reclusive act, possessing the ability to experiment musically without alienating its fans (i.e. Jay Farrar to Jeff Tweedy).
Any best --> worst list is inherently subjective, while I think 'Aquemini' is much better than 'Stankonia', it is being argumentative at a granular level. Including both albums on the list is a sign of the ability of Outkast, vis a vis other acts who are accurately captured by their single groundbreaking album, not always the most popular. Spin absolutely nailed Weezer with Pinkerton, while I would have included the Blue Album, everything else has been garbage, and thus is not included.
I have included the full list as a comment, so as not to waste space on the main page.
#1 is OK Computer (Radiohead), that I haven't ever heard, as I am not struck by either RadioHead/Wilco/Coldplay, who have taken niche genres of music and delivered to the mainstream. Sadly, they are probably really good bands, but mass approval labels a band as 'mainstream', regardless the innovation a band brings to music. I prefer the more reclusive act, possessing the ability to experiment musically without alienating its fans (i.e. Jay Farrar to Jeff Tweedy).
Any best --> worst list is inherently subjective, while I think 'Aquemini' is much better than 'Stankonia', it is being argumentative at a granular level. Including both albums on the list is a sign of the ability of Outkast, vis a vis other acts who are accurately captured by their single groundbreaking album, not always the most popular. Spin absolutely nailed Weezer with Pinkerton, while I would have included the Blue Album, everything else has been garbage, and thus is not included.
I have included the full list as a comment, so as not to waste space on the main page.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Good Stories
From the BAH and the US Open, where I had friends in attendance:
I had a friend who volunteers for the BAH, and was assigned the off-course task of picking up the golfers from Dulles and delivering them to their destination of choice. Had the opportunity to drop off Furyk, and Lee Westwood, who arrived in the States with a number of his cronies, and spoke barely intelligible english. Also picked up Len Mattaice, who asked to be dropped off at his hotel in Gaithersburg, north of Bethesda. When asked where he was staying, Mattaice was at the Holiday Inn Select.
On Saturday, while at Dulles killing time at the new Air and Space Museum, ran into none other than Nick Price, waiting for his flight to Pinehurst after missing the cut by one. Price said he missed the cut because some SOB birdied 18 on Friday, and knocked 15 guys off the cut-line, and he was going to catch hell at the Open. Price engaged my friend in conversation for 10-15 minutes, then brought his wife over under the introduction, "...meet my good friend (name), who I haven't seen in years...". Sounds like a truly great guy.
At the Open, the cameras didn't do the rough or greens justice. The craziest thing my friend saw was a skulled bunker shot at 13 on Thursday that flew 25 rows into the stands, to be bare-handed by a patron like he was snagging a homerun. Despite crowd chants of "throw it back", the guy got a golf ball, and the pro got a double bogey.
I had a friend who volunteers for the BAH, and was assigned the off-course task of picking up the golfers from Dulles and delivering them to their destination of choice. Had the opportunity to drop off Furyk, and Lee Westwood, who arrived in the States with a number of his cronies, and spoke barely intelligible english. Also picked up Len Mattaice, who asked to be dropped off at his hotel in Gaithersburg, north of Bethesda. When asked where he was staying, Mattaice was at the Holiday Inn Select.
On Saturday, while at Dulles killing time at the new Air and Space Museum, ran into none other than Nick Price, waiting for his flight to Pinehurst after missing the cut by one. Price said he missed the cut because some SOB birdied 18 on Friday, and knocked 15 guys off the cut-line, and he was going to catch hell at the Open. Price engaged my friend in conversation for 10-15 minutes, then brought his wife over under the introduction, "...meet my good friend (name), who I haven't seen in years...". Sounds like a truly great guy.
At the Open, the cameras didn't do the rough or greens justice. The craziest thing my friend saw was a skulled bunker shot at 13 on Thursday that flew 25 rows into the stands, to be bare-handed by a patron like he was snagging a homerun. Despite crowd chants of "throw it back", the guy got a golf ball, and the pro got a double bogey.
Not the Second Coming
Admittedly, like the rest of the Ameican golf-watching public, I was rooting for Jason Gore on Sunday, and was swept-up in the moment after his birdie at 18 on Saturday. In retrospect it was probably for the better he didn't win, because Jason Gore won a major once before, at Hazeltine; his name was Rich Beem.
At the time, the Beemer winning the 2002 PGA was a victory for every journeyman pro, a golfer who appeared to have been plucked from a barstool and thrust into fame. His pseudo-dance on 18 had everyone in stitches, and was a great conclusion to an exciting tournament, highlighted by his bomb for birdie on 16.
However, post PGA the Beemer was everywhere and abused his 15 minutes of fame. From gatherings at his local Texas clubhouse on the Golf Channel, where he personally took the time to euphorically "interview" everyone who had supported him, who often couldn't muster more than a 'soieeeeee', to the Hawaiian event where he wore Hawaiian shirts and some miserable excuse for a golf shoe, the Beemer had overstayed his welcome. Today, the positive output of the Beemer's victory are the Beem/Curtis/Micheel "even a blind squirrel..." pairings at PGA Tour events.
Awesome win by Michael Campbell, who displayed the best golf of the week, and exhibited the shotmaking on Sunday I have seen at a major (save David Toms at this years Accenture Match Play) in years.
At the time, the Beemer winning the 2002 PGA was a victory for every journeyman pro, a golfer who appeared to have been plucked from a barstool and thrust into fame. His pseudo-dance on 18 had everyone in stitches, and was a great conclusion to an exciting tournament, highlighted by his bomb for birdie on 16.
However, post PGA the Beemer was everywhere and abused his 15 minutes of fame. From gatherings at his local Texas clubhouse on the Golf Channel, where he personally took the time to euphorically "interview" everyone who had supported him, who often couldn't muster more than a 'soieeeeee', to the Hawaiian event where he wore Hawaiian shirts and some miserable excuse for a golf shoe, the Beemer had overstayed his welcome. Today, the positive output of the Beemer's victory are the Beem/Curtis/Micheel "even a blind squirrel..." pairings at PGA Tour events.
Awesome win by Michael Campbell, who displayed the best golf of the week, and exhibited the shotmaking on Sunday I have seen at a major (save David Toms at this years Accenture Match Play) in years.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Neck and Neck with Chris Berman
US Open coverage for Saturday just came on the air on NBC. Two things I have noticed"
Jason Gore, while getting out of his vehicle and removing his 8-month-old son from the child seat, already had his golf glove in his back pocket! Did he sleep in his Saturday outfit? Regardless of his score, he came to play, which I respect.
Johnny Miller, "when you come to Pinehurst, and are a Hall of Fame golfer, like myself, you get mobbed." Let's just hope an overzealous fan, awe-struck by their encounter with a "Hall of Fame golfer" wanted a memento and stole your microphone.
The heat at Pinehurst was temporarily subdued when Phil Mickelson made an 8 on the third hole.
Jason Gore, while getting out of his vehicle and removing his 8-month-old son from the child seat, already had his golf glove in his back pocket! Did he sleep in his Saturday outfit? Regardless of his score, he came to play, which I respect.
Johnny Miller, "when you come to Pinehurst, and are a Hall of Fame golfer, like myself, you get mobbed." Let's just hope an overzealous fan, awe-struck by their encounter with a "Hall of Fame golfer" wanted a memento and stole your microphone.
The heat at Pinehurst was temporarily subdued when Phil Mickelson made an 8 on the third hole.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Oh S*%#
Phil Mickelson, still under the influence of the Ponderosa dinner he consumed after his Thursday round, staggered to a 41 on his first nine holes on Friday. Eyewittnesses claimed he had a "Pig Out" bib affixed loosely around his neck and a barbeque-sauce laden wet nap dragging from his heel.
As much as I love Mickelson, I knew this was going to happen (deep within the recesses of my head). Yesterday, whle prognosticating his first round with a friend, we came to the conclusion he was going to either:
- start off hot, cool mid-round with a string of bogeys, and catch a spark at the end, or
- stumble from the gates, find his swing in the middle of the round, and end with a big number, negating his efforts to escape from the brink
For most golfers, such a forecast would cover the span of an entire tournament, not one round, but Phil is subject to swing/game bipolarity that is not suited to the US Open.
I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend, but if he keeps this up I may stretch out the rotator cuff and head down to Pinehurst for some monkeythrows to get him into contention.
As much as I love Mickelson, I knew this was going to happen (deep within the recesses of my head). Yesterday, whle prognosticating his first round with a friend, we came to the conclusion he was going to either:
- start off hot, cool mid-round with a string of bogeys, and catch a spark at the end, or
- stumble from the gates, find his swing in the middle of the round, and end with a big number, negating his efforts to escape from the brink
For most golfers, such a forecast would cover the span of an entire tournament, not one round, but Phil is subject to swing/game bipolarity that is not suited to the US Open.
I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend, but if he keeps this up I may stretch out the rotator cuff and head down to Pinehurst for some monkeythrows to get him into contention.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Nick "Buy a Prostitute at Any" Price
Combining my dislike for Chris Berman's nicknames and cheap t-shirts, and in an effort to get a cheap laugh, can you think of any good Berman'esque nicknames that would not clear FCC censorship?
US Open - Thursday
Had 20 minutes to catch the US Open from Pinehurst, NC during lunch, my thoughts.
Course appears to be in superb condition, the Pinehurst layout is going to determine the best golfer, who is patient and accepting of pars and willing to let the course setup and conditions dictate score, instead of trying to force a number.
Any golf commentator that claims distance to be a tournament factor is wrong. PGA Professionals are all capable of hitting the ball 300 yards if the situation dictates. On the longest par 4, their drives leave 190-210 yard approaches, normally a 5/6/7 iron, taking into account professionals play tailored, delofted clubs. Pros who hit longer drives and have shorter approaches to greens (rough or fairway) are given more room for error, but accurate iron play makes course distance a non-factor.
Chris Berman should not be an ESPN golf analyst. His onomatopoeia should be restricted to football converage and the occasional highlights show. His requirement to have the last word and force jokes doesn't adapt to golf, and he draws attention to himself, not as one who exceeds, but as someone wearing a barrel for clothing.
Go Phil!
Course appears to be in superb condition, the Pinehurst layout is going to determine the best golfer, who is patient and accepting of pars and willing to let the course setup and conditions dictate score, instead of trying to force a number.
Any golf commentator that claims distance to be a tournament factor is wrong. PGA Professionals are all capable of hitting the ball 300 yards if the situation dictates. On the longest par 4, their drives leave 190-210 yard approaches, normally a 5/6/7 iron, taking into account professionals play tailored, delofted clubs. Pros who hit longer drives and have shorter approaches to greens (rough or fairway) are given more room for error, but accurate iron play makes course distance a non-factor.
Chris Berman should not be an ESPN golf analyst. His onomatopoeia should be restricted to football converage and the occasional highlights show. His requirement to have the last word and force jokes doesn't adapt to golf, and he draws attention to himself, not as one who exceeds, but as someone wearing a barrel for clothing.
Go Phil!
Metro
Having just arrived to work after a 25 minute drive to go 6 miles, I consider myself fortunate as I didn't have to ride the Metro.
The Metro is awful. I live one block from a station and the train lets out one block from my office, and I staunchly refuse to ride. There is nothing more horrible than having to deal with other people in a close-packed area, before even arriving to work. I cannot begin to fathom the germs/odors/language that infest the cars. Combine the putrid atmosphere and the chance of delays or breakdowns, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Driving to work in DC has become almost impossible, but my vehicle affords me choices that don't exist on a Metro ride. I can adjust my temperature, radio station, lane, etc. It is easily worth the price of gas to exist in my own personal space on the commute. Also, I feel a good deal safer in my car. While driving is hazardous, entering and exiting a Metro station leaves a person vulnerable to the homeless, and a good number of homeless-lunatics.
But I heartily condone the Metro for everyone else.
The Metro is awful. I live one block from a station and the train lets out one block from my office, and I staunchly refuse to ride. There is nothing more horrible than having to deal with other people in a close-packed area, before even arriving to work. I cannot begin to fathom the germs/odors/language that infest the cars. Combine the putrid atmosphere and the chance of delays or breakdowns, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Driving to work in DC has become almost impossible, but my vehicle affords me choices that don't exist on a Metro ride. I can adjust my temperature, radio station, lane, etc. It is easily worth the price of gas to exist in my own personal space on the commute. Also, I feel a good deal safer in my car. While driving is hazardous, entering and exiting a Metro station leaves a person vulnerable to the homeless, and a good number of homeless-lunatics.
But I heartily condone the Metro for everyone else.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Jeopardy
In what can only be described as a "small-town triumph" my good friend from Stafford and UVA, Ben Nuckols, will be appearing on Jeopardy tonight (6/14). Tune in to support, but mainly to have a background for my critique tomorrow.
http://www.jeopardy.com/showguide_thisweek.php
http://www.jeopardy.com/showguide_thisweek.php
Monday, June 13, 2005
What Happened?
To the Washington Post?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/12/AR2005061201591.html
Does Snoop Dog have an 'Organic Horticulturist', in addition to a 'Spiritual Adviser'?
I had no idea the WP was a stepping-stone to US Weekly.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/12/AR2005061201591.html
Does Snoop Dog have an 'Organic Horticulturist', in addition to a 'Spiritual Adviser'?
I had no idea the WP was a stepping-stone to US Weekly.
My Standing Ovation of the Day - II
Ben Crane.
Competitive golf affords the opportunity to interact with other golfers during a round, which 99 times out of 100 is a non-factor to the round. Unless you get paired with a prick, as Ben Crane was on Sunday at the BAH.
Rory Sabbatini's behavior was reprehensible and is deserving of a PGA Tour fine and/or suspension. In the largest sense, a golf professional is earning his/her living, and should be afforded every right to compete to the best of their ability, and is allowed whatever warm-up, preshot routine they desire. If it proves to be an indirect distraction to their playing partner, there is nothing that can be done but to block it out, which is the status quo.
By finishing out of turn, bikering to Crane, and having a wife chirping at Judy Rankin, Sabbatini acheived lifetime prick status, deservedly so.
Lost in the shuffle was the completely magnanimous manner in which Crane acted during and after the incident. Not only did he make no effort to show-up Sabbatini (who directly showed-up Crane), but Crane was fully accessible to the media and took responsibility for actions that were not worthy of apology. Additionally, Crane was sincere in his sentiments (there was no implicit veneer to the press, to be followed by fuming in the locker room) and his assertion to make a consciencious effort to improve his pace of play in the future. Mr. Crane does not need to change anything, he is a professional.
The closest thing I have ever experienced was a tournament where an opponent would walk off every yardage from 150 yds. from stick to ball. Since he wasn't interferring with my preshot routine, I had no problem firing at the pin if he was on the green or not.
Competitive golf affords the opportunity to interact with other golfers during a round, which 99 times out of 100 is a non-factor to the round. Unless you get paired with a prick, as Ben Crane was on Sunday at the BAH.
Rory Sabbatini's behavior was reprehensible and is deserving of a PGA Tour fine and/or suspension. In the largest sense, a golf professional is earning his/her living, and should be afforded every right to compete to the best of their ability, and is allowed whatever warm-up, preshot routine they desire. If it proves to be an indirect distraction to their playing partner, there is nothing that can be done but to block it out, which is the status quo.
By finishing out of turn, bikering to Crane, and having a wife chirping at Judy Rankin, Sabbatini acheived lifetime prick status, deservedly so.
Lost in the shuffle was the completely magnanimous manner in which Crane acted during and after the incident. Not only did he make no effort to show-up Sabbatini (who directly showed-up Crane), but Crane was fully accessible to the media and took responsibility for actions that were not worthy of apology. Additionally, Crane was sincere in his sentiments (there was no implicit veneer to the press, to be followed by fuming in the locker room) and his assertion to make a consciencious effort to improve his pace of play in the future. Mr. Crane does not need to change anything, he is a professional.
The closest thing I have ever experienced was a tournament where an opponent would walk off every yardage from 150 yds. from stick to ball. Since he wasn't interferring with my preshot routine, I had no problem firing at the pin if he was on the green or not.
Please Make it Stop
Having spent the weekend in the classless mecca Dewey Beach, I deliver an impassioned plea to those who lack class. Please remove the skin-stretched t-shirt with a slightly offensive double entendre and burn it, lest throwing it away leaves the possibility it still may be claimed.
These shirts are not funny, nor should a store like Urban Outfitters ever turn a profit. By wearing aforementioned garbage, you acknowledge while you lack the originality to concoct a contemporary quip, the value of displaying your belief in a dated saying is worth the $19.99 you worked for three hours to garner.
Normally I would be able to specifically list the order of the shirts I find most --> least offensive, but the entire lot is so heinous, I refuse to waste my time and mental capacity doling out any coherent thought towards the subject. Be it "Welcome to the Gun Show", "Idaho, No Udaho", or anything featuring a Gary Coleman's picture, it is wretched.
Miserable t-shirt wearers should have stuck with Trucker Caps, which were $7 cheaper. Unfortunately, I fully expect release in the fall of 2005 of a new, slightly tackier ensemble accessory, that will retail for $26. Being low class carries a high rate of inflation.
These shirts are not funny, nor should a store like Urban Outfitters ever turn a profit. By wearing aforementioned garbage, you acknowledge while you lack the originality to concoct a contemporary quip, the value of displaying your belief in a dated saying is worth the $19.99 you worked for three hours to garner.
Normally I would be able to specifically list the order of the shirts I find most --> least offensive, but the entire lot is so heinous, I refuse to waste my time and mental capacity doling out any coherent thought towards the subject. Be it "Welcome to the Gun Show", "Idaho, No Udaho", or anything featuring a Gary Coleman's picture, it is wretched.
Miserable t-shirt wearers should have stuck with Trucker Caps, which were $7 cheaper. Unfortunately, I fully expect release in the fall of 2005 of a new, slightly tackier ensemble accessory, that will retail for $26. Being low class carries a high rate of inflation.
Friday, June 10, 2005
MTV Movie Awards
I had the (dis)pleasure of cathing the final 20 minutes of the 2005 MTV Movie Awards, my thoughts:
I was shocked that MTV Film "Napoleon Dynamite" was selected as the Best Movie at the 2005 MTV Movie Awards. ND caught a break when "Dead Man on Campus" was not nominated.
The 'Warm Up the Bus' face on Hillary Swank after losing the Best Female award to Lindsay Lohan was fantastic.
Tom Cruise accomplished his goal of sizing up Dakota Fanning for 2011.
I don't think Rob Schneider is returning Jimmy Fallon's phone calls anymore.
I was shocked that MTV Film "Napoleon Dynamite" was selected as the Best Movie at the 2005 MTV Movie Awards. ND caught a break when "Dead Man on Campus" was not nominated.
The 'Warm Up the Bus' face on Hillary Swank after losing the Best Female award to Lindsay Lohan was fantastic.
Tom Cruise accomplished his goal of sizing up Dakota Fanning for 2011.
I don't think Rob Schneider is returning Jimmy Fallon's phone calls anymore.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I may start going out of my way to tie my ties at either obnoxiously long or short (with the longer end behind) lengths. When I sit down at meetings, I may roll up my obnoxiously long tie, and allow it to unravel, snaking down my stomach, and not stoping until it trickles off my knee, in the grandiose fashion of a red carpet.
On days when I tie a long tie, I may occasionally tuck it into my belt and/or pants. I need to keep it out of harm's way when eating lunch, or using the restroom.
On my short tie days I will most likely go with ties of great width, to acheive the napkin-tucked-in-shirt effect. I may even combine the look with a misbuttoned shirt.
For very special events, I may pull out the triple threat of bad tie length, misbuttoned shirt, and my navy suit jacket with a pair of black pants.
On days when I tie a long tie, I may occasionally tuck it into my belt and/or pants. I need to keep it out of harm's way when eating lunch, or using the restroom.
On my short tie days I will most likely go with ties of great width, to acheive the napkin-tucked-in-shirt effect. I may even combine the look with a misbuttoned shirt.
For very special events, I may pull out the triple threat of bad tie length, misbuttoned shirt, and my navy suit jacket with a pair of black pants.
The Booz Allen Classic
The 2005 BAC is to be held at Congressional CC, as the TPC at Avenel is undergoing renovations. Short of blowing up the course, the surrounding condos and houses, and every sign on River Road directing people to the course, there is nothing that can be done to not make the TPC look pitiful in comparision to its hallowed neighbor. Ironically, the TPC is being utilized this week for the duty for which it is most deserving, parking.
Having had the opportunity to play the courses, CCC is a fantastic, classic design kept in impeccable condition. The TPC resembles a course in anytown USA, built to turn a profit, but never intended to host a PGA event. The holes on the TPC are uninspiring and the prevailing thought upon depature is "did I get my mortgage payment in on time this month", as the course is suffocated by condos of varying size and distasteful color. If the TPC wasn't private, it would barely survive as an $80 course.
Congressional puts the TPC to shame, and the professionals are proof. The BAC has the best field it has ever had contend, who are raving about both the course conditions and the course. Not once has a professional, in reference to the TPC quoted saying the course was wonderful. Credit is given to the greens or the conditioning, but the course architecture and layout are terrible. No impending changes are going to improve the course into the category of Congressional, so enjoy the 2005 BAC before the anticlimatic return to Avenel.
Having had the opportunity to play the courses, CCC is a fantastic, classic design kept in impeccable condition. The TPC resembles a course in anytown USA, built to turn a profit, but never intended to host a PGA event. The holes on the TPC are uninspiring and the prevailing thought upon depature is "did I get my mortgage payment in on time this month", as the course is suffocated by condos of varying size and distasteful color. If the TPC wasn't private, it would barely survive as an $80 course.
Congressional puts the TPC to shame, and the professionals are proof. The BAC has the best field it has ever had contend, who are raving about both the course conditions and the course. Not once has a professional, in reference to the TPC quoted saying the course was wonderful. Credit is given to the greens or the conditioning, but the course architecture and layout are terrible. No impending changes are going to improve the course into the category of Congressional, so enjoy the 2005 BAC before the anticlimatic return to Avenel.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)