I am not married, and many will make the joke "for good reason", but I have had the opportunity to attend my share of weddings, enough to compile a list of ideas that should never see the light of day.
1.) Don't plan your wedding over an extended holiday weekend. Weddings are meant to be an extra holilday, as people are planning on taking off from work to travel regardless. By having your wedding on a holiday, you are taking away a normal holiday weekend, and subjecting your guests to travelling with the other 90% of the country. Do you think anyone wants to be stuck in the airport on July 4th weekend to see little cousin Suzie marry the guy who knocked her up, for the second time? In the event you ignore, expect some bad drunks at your wedding. Note I didn't say reception.
2.) Don't have a Sunday brunch. Guests are hungover and sick of (insert shitty city name), which happens to be your hometown. No one wants to choke on a scone at 1pm. Let everyone get the hell out of town.
-- Possible alternative: Saturday brunch. No one is doing anything the morning of the wedding, an event where the bride/groom split time is an acceptable get together.
3.) Weddings are a time for personal pride and exuberance, but don't go heavy on the cheese. Napkins/matchbooks with the name of the couple and the date of the wedding are acceptable, but don't provide bottles of water with the frickin' picture of the bride and groom on the label.
4.) Don't put the table of college friends/drunks as far away from the bar as possible. I've been to weddings that had a buffer table between the rest of the party and myself. The band ate at the buffer table. That just makes me/us ornery and will lead us to steal the waitress tray to bring back 17 drinks for a table of 8 for every time someone goes to the bar. We graduated college for a reason, and 8 (plastered) heads is better than one.
5.) If your bridesmaids have shoulder tattoos of their Confirmation Saint, it is sacreligious to have off-the-shoulder dresses that display the ink to grandmothers and the elderly.
6.) Finally, don't allow the bartenders to serve shots at the wedding. When a former roommate got married, I asked his Mother if shots were going to be served at the reception,
"What exactly is a "shot"?"
"Well, it is when someone chugs straight liquor without any mixer."
"Wow, why would anyone ever want to do that?"
Exactly.
1 comment:
The wackiest wedding I ever went to combined a few of those elements - a Saturday brunch after a morning weddind! The wedding was at 10, the brunch at 11:30 - net, the activities were over around 2.
The idea was good. However, the wedding also included the wedding pictures being taken in a funeral home; also, Saturday night's activities saw a bunch of Physics major drawing Schrodinger's equation on their bare chest.
I kid you not.
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